I found you unconscious... not breathing........... with no pulse. I began CPR immediately, determined to bring you back into this world..... to live a long life..... to be with people who loved you and needed you. But you had other plans. You didn't want to be in this world anymore. And I could no longer promise the people who stood around, "waiting for a miracle to happen" that there would be one today. I had to tell the truth. YOU were stronger than me this time. YOU were in control. YOU knew what you wanted and demanded it. And so it was. You won in the end. You had your way. You are gone. And I could not comfort anyone here who loved you. They blamed me. I blamed me. I SHOULD have been stronger. I should have been more in control. But life (and death) is not always about strength or control... it is about WILL and what the heart feels and has had to endure. My heart is heavy tonight.... 45 minutes of constant CPR and you left me anyway. I feel like I have failed. I feel like I have let you and others down. Perhaps I have realized that once again, I am not God.
(This is in memory of a friend who committed suicide)
HOW TO SAVE A LIFE
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
5 comments:
I'm so sorry Sheena, but I am sure that they know how hard you tried and love you for it....Big hugs
Terry
I'm sorry, Sheena.
You have the heart of an ANGEL, Sheena. You cannot save everyone. You know this. Your pain is felt throughout all the Paramedics and Firefighters in this country. God seems to have you here amongst us all for a very good reason. HANG in there! We love ya!
What a strong and yet sensitive Woman/Paramedic/Firefighter Sheena is! Her pain and loss seared through my soul when reading this blog. You did your best, Sheena. Always remember that! You DID your best!
Adam
My dear Sheena. Don't blame yourself. Everyone knows you did your best. God Bless you always.
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