REAL MEN DON'T EAT QUICHE

It is MY day to cook dinner in the Station. Finally! I really love to cook and since we take turns cooking, I always have to wait my turn.

We had just finished up on a non-emergency call in the city. I called in to Dispatch to let them know we would not be available for about an hour. Another Station would cover us in the meantime. We drove to Fishermen's Wharf. I wanted to make Cioppino (Italian fish soup) for dinner and I needed some fish and shellfish.

"Ciao Giuseppe!" I greet the owner of the fish market.

I tell him the 2 kinds of fish I need and how much. I proceed to order the shellfish... mussels, scallops, crab, squid....... no, never mind the squid..... that is gross....... ok, octopus........ nope, sorry........ can't eat anything with more legs than me.......... ok, how about OYSTERS? I love smoked oysters.

"What KIND of oysters?" Giuseppe asks.

I didn't know there were different KINDS of oysters. And they don't have SMOKED oysters. But an oyster is an oyster, NO???

"What KIND?" he asks again.

"Ok, well, the biggest ones you got," I say.

"Ok, but what KIND?" again he asks.

I look at my partner, Rick. "What the heck does he mean?" I whisper. Rick shrugs his shoulders. He has this strange look on his face.

"Just order MOUNTAIN oysters," he suggests.

Ok. Sounds good. Although for a split second I am wondering how it is possible there are oysters in the mountain....... but I am kind of dumb so I don't question this.

"Giuseppe? Give me three pounds of MOUNTAIN oysters," I say.

(SILENCE)

"Are you SURE?" he asks.

"Yes, I am sure" I tell him.

(LAUGHTER)

"My dear! Are you SURE you want MOUNTAIN oysters???"

(There is even more laughter amongst the crowd at the market).

I am getting agitated now. We have to get back to the Station and I don't know why Giuseppe wants to play games with me right now. He knows we are in a hurry.

(And why the heck is Rick acting really strange right now????)

Giuseppe tells me they don't HAVE Mountain oysters there at the fish market.

Ok, why didn't he tell me this to begin with???

Giuseppe grills me now. What do I think Mountain Oysters are?

Uh........ oysters from the moutains?

It is then that I am told "MOUNTAIN OYSTERS" are the testicles of a bull.

Darn!

I could really strangle Rick! He set me up in this most embarrassing situation with all those people around dying of laughter.


We ended up having something else for dinner that night...

in honor of the book.......

"REAL MEN DON'T EAT QUICHE."


(P.S. We had the quiche because honestly, I was afraid to open the package from the fish market. I wasn't sure what I'd be getting!)